NicoliNet Staff
Sometimes we are asked, "Wow, NicoliNet is a really grate website. Surely you must have a ton of employees working hard on it 24/7." And, of course, the answer to that is, we do! This page is meant to give credit to our extensive amount of employees who have helped (however little) on our very important job here at NicoliNet. (to apply to be a NicoliNet Official Employee, click here)
He
All of the above
You may be wondering why He is the first employee on the page. Well, that is because He's job here at NicoliNet is all of the above. So if we put He at the top, that means, well, he does nothing. It's almost like it's a joke or something. But don't let that mislead you. He is surely a very essential member of the NicoliNet team. He has been actively using NicoliNet ever since He's introduction to this genius invention. As He stated in his job application: "I really like cheese but what I like more than that is sum guud multiplayer tic tac toe. I breathe Nicolinet, I live by the laws of Nicolinet. I have lost my soul to Nicolinet. I am an empty shell that knows nothing bu Nicolinet. No, don’t save me, I am in Nirvana. Let me be, this is who I am now."
The Grate Nicoli
Founder and All-Around Savage Brochacho
The Grate Nicoli, as you probably already know, is a pretty legit dude. He is the Chief Editor of all of the excellent content that you have here on NicoliNet today. He also happens to be a professional in literally everything, so, you know, that's pretty good. He also happens to be the main programmer of all of NicoliNet, and the founder of this beautiful website you are on here today.
Blackout
Memologist In Chief (M.I.C.)
As you can tell from the profile picture, our employee "Blackout" is most worthy of the title of M.I.C. (No, he definitely didn't bribe us or anything.) The title of M.I.C. is one of the highest one can hold at NicoliNet, giving them lots of important jobs, we assure you. In addition, they are being paid 10 times as much as all of the other employees (10 x 0 is still 0). We also think that their job description might have something to do with providing us with memes, but, you know, we're not really sure. So, like, yeah, I guess "Blackout" has a very important job indeed.
Grandmaster
???
"Grandmaster" is our most mysterious employee. Even The Grate Nicoli is not entirely sure what his job is here at NicoliNet. However, our records do state that "Grandmaster" has been most helpful in the creation of NicoliNet... somehow. If "Grandmaster" is reading this, you might want to, you know, actually tell us what the heck you do here all day for your high wage of 0 XDG (which means Dogecoin, as I'm sure you knew already).
XxFortnite_GamerxX
Chief Janitorial Officer (CJO)
As the CJO of NicoliNet, "XxFortnite_GamerxX" helps to keep our extensive premises clean. Without "XxFortnite_GamerxX", all of our 3000 acres of office space that we have would quickly be covered up with dust and uncleanliness in general. Luckily for us, "XxFortnite_GamerxX" readily volunteered for the important job of CJO, very eager to have a role in the world's most important and influential company, NicoliNet (oh yes). Unfortunately, however, that's really the maximum I can write about janitorial services, so, like that's pretty much it for "XxFortnite_GamerxX"'s job description.
Nickmo
Intel Integrated Graphics Officer
You may remember Nickmo previously, from being the NPP officer. Well, since then, the NPP has (sadly) died. Not because it was illegal or anything, but because we got too much negative press (yeah right). Here is Nickmo's statement on his new role here at NicoliNet: "Too cheap to buy a graphics card? Don’t need one? Who cares, because now your stuck with me, the best graphics you’ll ever find in a processor. We don’t like to use the term “Ryzen” around here! If you ever say the “R-Word”, you might just lose someone close to you! No worries though, I’m harmless. Anyway, you might be wondering why we offer “Integrated Graphics”. Well, if we don’t update our chips constantly with new hardware, we may never catch up to the AMD. (It's not like they're better than us or anything...)"
Maso
CMO of Nicoli Industries and Co-founder, COO, and Spokesperson of the Nicoli Political Lobbying Group
Maso (with such a cleverly disguised pseudonym) is the (self-proclaimed) "CMO of Nicoli Industries and Co-founder, COO, and Spokesperson of the Nicoli Political Lobbying Group". What all of this legal jargon means is that Maso is an incredibly important person here at NicoliNet. Not only does he handle a large quantity of the advertising here at NicoliNet, but he has also created his own officially licensed branch of Nicoli Industries, the Nicoli Political Lobbying Group. And, as he so cleverly stated in his employee application, "I read books."
Father Snacc
ChiEf InsPeCctor of DaNknesSe
As NicoliNet's ChiEf InsPeCctor of DaNknesSe, Father Snacc ensures any material that makes too much sense gets a touch of dank. He feels NicoliNet has been corrupted by the normies and takes it upon himself to right these wrongs; he has waged a very personal war on individuals that have lead to this tragedy. Father Snacc takes to his work very seriously and never tolerates normie memes. He ensures the Nicolinet experience is never normie, always boolin', and absolutely and completely edgy. Father Snacc has a lot of talent in this field and has made it his mission to deep-fry all of Nicolinet's images and never leave any basses undropped. He always salutes fellow meme connoisseurs with a confident t pose. Does it ever stop? The answer is yesn't. Water is wet. It really do be like that sometimes.
Pickle Jr.
Official NicoliNet Pizza Smuggler
By day, Pickle Jr. is just an ordinary human, residing at Nanda Parbat. By night, however, Pickle Jr. lives a secret life—a life of crime. He risks his life and his reputation each and every day to smuggle pizza for all of us here at NicoliNet. Not only is Pickle Jr. just a pizza smuggler, but he is the best pizza smuggler in the entire world, and is well known throughout the pizza-smuggling society for being able to out-smuggle anyone else. Where does he get these skills? We don't know. All it says in his employee application is: "I trained at Nanda Parbat where humans go to be trained and turned into human soldiers. I enjoy going on NicoliNet during my free time."
AvEryFAsTfrOgGybOiwHOLikEtOgOFaSt
Ryzen 5/CopyPastar/USPA since 1890
Aptly named AvEryFAsTfrOgGybOiwHOLikEtOgOFaSt has applied to be on the NicoliNet staff three times (so far), finally to be hired and added to this list. Due to this constant reapplication, AvEryFAsTfrOgGybOiwHOLikEtOgOFaSt has many responsibilities. As Ryzen 5, he is the most important part of a computer. But as the official CopyPastar of NicoliNet, well, let's just say he had to apply with his "alt account my main is banned 4 cancerous memes" (wait a second... why are we hiring someone who was banned...). Additionally, AvEryFAsTfrOgGybOiwHOLikEtOgOFaSt is extremely qualified here at NicoliNet due to the "400+ multiplayer tic tac toe wins" he has on record. So, all in all, AvEryFAsTfrOgGybOiwHOLikEtOgOFaSt is an incredibly useful employee here at NicoliNet, and, as he said in his application, "ᎦᏜᎤᏍᎰᎣᏍᏜ ᏆᎫᏍᏭᏧᎤᎦᏛᏜᏩᏴᎦᏓᏜᏍ ᏍᎤᎭ ᏓᏜᎦᏩᏜᎤᎦᏜ ᏜᎤᎭᏜᎤᎦᏯᏭᏯ ᏜᎦᏜᎥᏜᎫᏜᎤᏜᎦ ᎦᏜᎦᏜ ᏜᎦᏓᏜᎥᎦᏜᏭᏕ’ᎦᏩᎦᏩ ᏩᏌᏩᏌ."
Supreme Overlord
Supplier of Crepes for Employees
While Supreme Overlord's official description is "Supplier of Crepes for Employees", they actually supply much more than that. For instance, Supreme Overlord has been mining 
for "3 years", and is currently (meaning as of the time this article was written) #1 on the leaderboard. Such minage shows true dedication to NicoliNet and its rather important mission. Supreme Overlord is also a certified master of crepe-making, and is guaranteed to provide the highest-quality crepe to all of our employees. (If you're not an employee, you're out of luck.) With all of these important and necessary qualifications, it's no wonder that we decided to add Supreme Overlord to our valuable list of employees here at NicoliNet.
?
Shady Man
I legit have no idea who this is. Like not even kidding. So I was like browsing on my computer one day, right, and I recieve these two emails in my inbox from a cleverly-SMTP-spoofed Question Mark. (in case you're wondering, their email is mquestion608@gmail.com. Feel free to spam them with emails as much as you want.) Both of them are asking to be on the staff page. They also seem to be implying that Question Mark has some sort of control over our employees here at NicoliNet (hence the part saying "No one knows this but I control all staff members.") So then I'm just like "Holy darts", and go on with my day as usual. Later that day, I check the NicoliNet staff suggestions, as per usual. There's a submission from someone with the first name, last name, and NicoliNet ID of "No One Knows". (serves me right for not putting some kind of decent verification on the NicoliNet ID field) The only additional information this application gives is that their identity is "deep in the Heart of the Tick Tack Toe". (For the record thats "tic tac toe", without the "K"s.) So, at any rate, I had nothing else to do this weekend, so Question Mark managed to actually get on the staff page. Yeah, and if anyone has any information regarding this, you know where to find me.
-The Grate Nicoli